he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
