Your tits are I can't wait for
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
