$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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