Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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