Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize