They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
