Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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