I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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