dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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