Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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