I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did i walk over a car last night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
