Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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