Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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