In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
