My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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