Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
