Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
