but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
