you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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