so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
