I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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