it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
