I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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