How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
