I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
