Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
