Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
