He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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