Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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