so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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