i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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