my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
