if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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