I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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