When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
