i think my tv is drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
