K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
