whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
