well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
