long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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