sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
