you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
