Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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