I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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