So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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