How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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