would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
did you just send me my own nude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
