the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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