You can't special order awesome
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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