Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
handjob tips. give me some.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
