Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
