Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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